Fate vs. Free Will

This semester, I started believing in fate.

I never have before. I always rolled my eyes at the people who claim they're meant for each other, that they would have been a *insert religious affiliation* even if they hadn't been born in a *insert religious affiliation* family, that their career was their "one true calling." I've said that these people would have found other ways to be happy, other people, other jobs, other beliefs.

I still believe that. But I'm also starting to believe in fate.

Two huge coincidences happened within a span of a few weeks of each other.

The first was a yellow dress. The second was a chance meeting. Both have had a profound effect on my belief in fate. By that I mean, they've created one.

Let's start with the first: Two years ago, I dated a man named A. A was the first man I ever fell in love with. I'd had boyfriends before, but not like this. We dated a year, then he cheated on me and broke my heart. The day we said goodbye, I remember hanging up the phone, then looking at my computer. I had been looking at a yellow dress I was obsessed with, long sold out and extremely popular. I knew I'd never find it. So I promised myself, the day I had that yellow dress would be the day I could speak with A.

A year went by. It was a rough year, but I survived. I made friends, I did well in school, and even though I didn't want to admit it, I was happier without A. I never forgot him, but I did forget the yellow dress. Until one day last March.

One of the community members on a website that offers Anthro items for sale had contacted me. They'd seen my listing long ago for the yellow dress and had one to sell me. In my size. For a rock bottom price. I jumped on it, only briefly flashing back to my promise, but then brushing it aside. I still didn't believe in fate.

Then, a week after I had the dress in my hand (it was perfect, by the way), a familiar screen name IMed me. It was A. I looked from my laptop to my closet, shaken. This was way freaky. To make a long story short, we talked, we had drinks, we sobbed, we even kissed. I wore the yellow dress. And then we walked away from each other again, this time forever. But the fact remains, he IMed me, out of the blue, a week after that dress was in my house. Creepy?

Wait until you hear this. Last week, I met someone at my friend M's dorm. J was like me in pretty much every way possible. It was like I was staring at my twin. We hung out for a week, talking all the time, discovering we had more and more in common. On Thursday, I found out he had met meet the day after he broke up with a girl he had nothing in common with. I was wearing the yellow dress. That day, he told me he had feelings for me, we kissed, and the next day, had a huge fight and never spoke to each other again, just like with A. I decided the dress was cursed.

But then I saw him again on Monday, on my way to work. And on Tuesday, in the library when I was going to print out a paper. And Wednesday, when I was in the honors center in my Life After Death class. And again today, heading to class. Ready for the freaky part? To my knowledge, I've never seen this guy around before last week. And I'm starting to get very creeped out by it.

No, I don't think he's stalking me, and no I'm not stalking him; that's not to reason why I'm creeped. I'm creeped because I think the amount we've run into each other is too much to be a coincidence, and I don't think it was a coincidence that I bought the yellow dress and one week later A came back into my life, if only briefly. And I can't explain it rationally. That's what scares me.

I'm not going to be like those people that just says "GODDIDIT" or even "FATEDIDIT." I honestly don't know what's going on. But I don't like it when I can't explain things. And I can't explain those two occurrences, or any of the others had over the past couple of years (which I'll talk about another time when I'm not late to meet up with a friend).

Regardless, that yellow dress is probably going to hang unworn for a long, long time.

~Ri

Who's Your Daddy?

This needs to be shared:

http://www.facts4u.com/OffSite_Stored_Pages/wyd_files/wyd02.htm

It's a parody of one of those ridiculous Christian tracts by Jack T Prick...erm, I mean Chick. I got into a "debate" with one of my Christian buddies on evolution a few weeks ago. It did not last long. Once I started talking about carbon dating, she started with the "Yeah but have YOU personally done any experiments of that sort??' Me: ...wut? Her: AH HA! Then your views are based on faith! JUST LIKE MINE!

....no?

I'm not the one shrieking 'GODDIDIT' everytime I don't know something. My "faith" in science extends past whatever my magical book of fairy stories tells me. Further, unlike a lot of my libertarian buddies, I don't care if you think evolution is a satanic lie. Believe whatever you want. I feel the same about all my pot smoking, binge drinking, obese, flunking out of school friends. Do what you think is best. Just don't a. complain when it backfires in your face and b. try to get me to do whatever dumbass thing you're doing. And that includes being a Christian.

The only reason I engage in those kind of discussions is because they're fun as hell (pun oh so intended) and I seem to get dragged into them during one of my CP (Christian Pals') preachings. If you like to take the 'buried head' approach when you're confronted with facts, stop giving me the opportunity to dig your head out of the sand!

Now, you might ask why I have CPs at all if I don't want to be converted. Well, when I was in high school, there was this guy I had a major crush on who also happened to be my best friend. Sometimes I'd sit with his buddies instead of mine (we didn't exactly run in the same circle; we'd met before our cliques were cemented) at lunch, and oh dear sweet merciful Yevon, you could not FIND a more boring bunch. Here's how our conversations would go:

S: I think the war in Iraq is stupid
Z: YEAH!
A: THAT'S RIGHT!
G: YOU SAID IT!
C: ANOTHER AFFIRMATIVE RESPONSE!

And even though I thought the war was a pretty dumbass idea too, I played devil's advocate just to get some frakking DISCUSSION going. I like having friends with different viewpoints. In fact, when someone tells me they're a Christian, I find them even more interesting because they're different than me. I guess it's the anthropologist in me (and no, for once I'm not talking about the store). The vast majority of people exist for my study and amusement. That's not to say I don't care about them. Just try and insult one of my friends, even one of my CPs, for anything other than their ridiculous preaching and watch how unladylike I can be. But I have the most fun when we're having a good old fashioned squabble.

And that comic is hilarious, do yourself a favor and have a look.

~Ri

My name is Morgan and I work in the Speaking Lab

What's the Speaking Lab? A little corner of the library at my college where kids are tutored in public speaking and communication. Today I realized exactly how little communicating actually goes on in this lab. See, we hardly ever have any students come in, so I'm usually left alone in my thoughts. So I decided to practice what I preach and do a little communicating of my own, through a blog containing my writings, thoughts, essays and feelings.

I've been meaning to do this for a long time and I want to make one thing abundantly clear. This is my blog. Mine. This is not like my LJ where I'm going to add a bunch of friends and then end up filtering what I say for fear that they'll judge me. Oh, I don't care if people read it, but I'm not going to actively seek out readers or edit what I have to say. There's going to be personal stuff on here. It may not be stuff you like. If you don't like that, I suggest you click the little "x" in the corner of the screen and close this page forever. Otherwise, welcome to my own little space in cyberspace.